Miracles

The month of December is often filled with miracles, some even called "Christmas Miracles". I feel that during this time that I have seen miracles in my life and the lives of a few others.

During the last week November, leading into the first week of December brought a miracle into my life. 

A bit of back story before the miracle. Around March of earlier this year, I started suffering large amounts of pain in my abdominal area, largely my stomach. I thought nothing of it initially, however, I found that it was very noticeable when I ate. 

My mother and sister suggested that maybe I try a gluten-free diet. I was not excited to say the least, many of my thoughts led to "I would rather shoot myself," to "I can't do this."

I attempted to do the diet, and while it seemed that it was working initially, I found that I was still suffering quite a bit of pain, no matter how strictly I followed the diet.

My summer was filled with a lack of annoyance because I felt that I couldn't eat anything, and anyone who knows me knows that I love to eat.

During this now finishing semester of school, a close friend and also my mother noticed my stress and anxiety peaking as I struggled with this, and not just this, but issues of self-worth. My stomach pains grew as did my desire to find answers.

Surprisingly, I worked first towards resolving issues of self-worth and also worked on building my spirit. As I did, I am sure I caused worry and concern for those that are close to me.

As those issues were cleared, my stomach pain, while still there, decreased. Then, the miracle happened. I finally went to a doctor, but not only did I ask for help with my stomach pains, I followed the council of those close to me and God, talk about your past stress and anxiety issues. The young man who listened to me said that it appeared that the two seemed to be tied together, and prescribed me a medicine that would focus largely on my anxiety, with a hope that maybe, just maybe it would also still my stomach.

After a week or so of taking the medicine, I noticed that my thoughts cleared, and many fears dissipated. Not only that, but my stomach pains only became apparent during moments of great stress. 

This December miracle became affirmative and I found myself capable to be me, and not only that, but also be a better me. As I came to the conclusion of my 22nd year, I was given a blessing. I was able to enjoy the gifts people have me, and their company as well, without stress, anxiety, or pain. 

My thanks go out to those that prayed for me, that stayed with me patiently, oh so patiently.

As this time of year is usually that of giving and receiving, I quote one scripture  that to me seems apparent: "Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands." (D&C 121:7-9)

I thank everyone for giving my their time, their kindness, and I hope that I received it well, and during this time, I hope that I can give to you just the same.

Ups and Downs

In my life as of late, the amount of trials that have come upon me, have, gratefully, been few. The same cannot be said for my family. Within the last month and a half of summer, my parents and siblings made a total of four hospital trips within a six week period. That is around one trip every week and a half, though I would not say that is accurate.

Those hospital trips were just a part of the trials of summer. Me and my sister lost not one, but two jobs over the summer. Hearts were broken, dreams shattered, and while I can't say for the rest of my family, I myself had many sleepless nights in bewilderment regarding the heavy load that was placed on my family.

Now before all of this occurred, once again, speaking solely for myself, I had found myself with little more desire than to just attend Sacrament meetings, and maybe a meeting or two more. One job I got over the summer aided me in that desire. Needless to say, I was drifting away with a weak testimony.

At the pinnacle of my own weakness, a calling was extended to me to create programs for my ward. While I accepted, in my head, I sarcastically replied, "Is this all I am good for? I did this in my last ward, congrats for the 'creativity' of the calling." I didn't begin making programs right away, but while I waited to make them, the trials began.

I lost my second job due to illness. That same week, I was finally in charge of making programs. I went to all three hours of church for the first time all summer. During that same week, I did receive a new job.

The next weeks were difficult. Receiving news of a couple hospital trips, many to which I had to drive long distances to help give blessings; mind you, I was not earning money during this time. After the second hospital trip, I suggested a family fast to my mother in hopes that the trials would end. After one more hospital trip, School started, and then one more hospital procedure came.

During all this, I continued faithfully attending church and proceed with my calling, the fast felt successful, but overall, nothing seemed to change. That being said, I did make it almost two months without a paycheck. School was easier than usual. My new job provided me with free food for weeks.

Then the biggest blow came. My father lost his job. One that he had had for fifteen years. It was devastating. Anger flowed through me, my moral, which I had been building for weeks fell apart. Of all things, of all trials to occur, this had to be the icing on the cake, the cherry on top.

As I reassessed the summer, I wondered, why so many trials. And why, overall, especially with the money and time loss due to these hospital visits, many I which were to help my father, why make it so that he lost his job now? A thought occurred, with tinge of optimism. "Be grateful that he lost his job after all the trials, and not during or before." The day after losing his job, one was offered to him on his way back from his exit interview. And during all this, I still made programs and attended the majority of my church meetings.

Having recently reflected this summer, I now wondered, who were those trials really for, and to what end. As I sit here typing this, I cannot deny that I needed this summer, to test and try me, to help me come back to what I love, and what I know I need to be happy.

A thought to finish out this summer, The Lord remembers those who remember Him.

One Year Later

Well, it's been a year since I last made a note about how things were going since I moved out.

Since I've moved out there have been ups and downs, changes, growth (in multiple ways, including in width a bit,) I've had several jobs, going from a car dealership, to a restaurant, I'm currently in a call center, and will soon be going to work at a Cafe.

I've changed mindsets on careers due to family urges and also heavenly guidance. I had started off school supposing that I be in film and television, but I'm am now heading into the field of forensic science.

I noted how scared I was to switch from living with my parents to living on my own. Well, I've been out of the house for a year, and while there have been many scary moments, I've grown much from it and learned appreciation for the little things, and especially, have learned more about the sacrifices my parents made to make my life and my siblings lives better. I've sent many a message, be it through text or email, or even face to face about how humbled I was that they were able to pull off managing so much with so little, and that I had much to learn from them still.

That being said, there's still much to go. Only now I get to see that I have grown and have much more growing to do.