Sunday, September 22, 2013

Ups and Downs

In my life as of late, the amount of trials that have come upon me, have, gratefully, been few. The same cannot be said for my family. Within the last month and a half of summer, my parents and siblings made a total of four hospital trips within a six week period. That is around one trip every week and a half, though I would not say that is accurate.

Those hospital trips were just a part of the trials of summer. Me and my sister lost not one, but two jobs over the summer. Hearts were broken, dreams shattered, and while I can't say for the rest of my family, I myself had many sleepless nights in bewilderment regarding the heavy load that was placed on my family.

Now before all of this occurred, once again, speaking solely for myself, I had found myself with little more desire than to just attend Sacrament meetings, and maybe a meeting or two more. One job I got over the summer aided me in that desire. Needless to say, I was drifting away with a weak testimony.

At the pinnacle of my own weakness, a calling was extended to me to create programs for my ward. While I accepted, in my head, I sarcastically replied, "Is this all I am good for? I did this in my last ward, congrats for the 'creativity' of the calling." I didn't begin making programs right away, but while I waited to make them, the trials began.

I lost my second job due to illness. That same week, I was finally in charge of making programs. I went to all three hours of church for the first time all summer. During that same week, I did receive a new job.

The next weeks were difficult. Receiving news of a couple hospital trips, many to which I had to drive long distances to help give blessings; mind you, I was not earning money during this time. After the second hospital trip, I suggested a family fast to my mother in hopes that the trials would end. After one more hospital trip, School started, and then one more hospital procedure came.

During all this, I continued faithfully attending church and proceed with my calling, the fast felt successful, but overall, nothing seemed to change. That being said, I did make it almost two months without a paycheck. School was easier than usual. My new job provided me with free food for weeks.

Then the biggest blow came. My father lost his job. One that he had had for fifteen years. It was devastating. Anger flowed through me, my moral, which I had been building for weeks fell apart. Of all things, of all trials to occur, this had to be the icing on the cake, the cherry on top.

As I reassessed the summer, I wondered, why so many trials. And why, overall, especially with the money and time loss due to these hospital visits, many I which were to help my father, why make it so that he lost his job now? A thought occurred, with tinge of optimism. "Be grateful that he lost his job after all the trials, and not during or before." The day after losing his job, one was offered to him on his way back from his exit interview. And during all this, I still made programs and attended the majority of my church meetings.

Having recently reflected this summer, I now wondered, who were those trials really for, and to what end. As I sit here typing this, I cannot deny that I needed this summer, to test and try me, to help me come back to what I love, and what I know I need to be happy.

A thought to finish out this summer, The Lord remembers those who remember Him.

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